When can you identify someone as a FRIEND?

2021^st BLOG POST

 

Well, two days back, the world again celebrated Friendship Day, a day I never understood why it’s so important to have because when we say “Friends”, it means we are anyway giving them enough moment of our lives. In case if we aren’t due to our personal/professional commitments, this day doesn’t bring any change to that. I was quite surprised when I didn’t receive any wishes from my friends or even the forwarded messages except 2-3 random messages here and there. I also didn’t see more than 2-3 people sharing anything about their friends on WhatsApp/Instagram etc. This tells that people have come beyond these manufactured days created by brands to sell their products and market their services.

 

Anyway, I recently experienced something which made me write this post and for a change, I didn’t want to write it on Friendship Day to avoid the cliché that I have mentioned above. Haha! If you must have read my initial posts about Friendship Day or friendship in general, I have always spoken against it. I still believe in whatever I had written earlier but I would like to add that Friendships which add value to your life are always great but not when it starts consuming most of your time or thoughts.

 

There are friends who literally want to be with you always and in the name of Friendship you give all your productive time to them realizing only later that all your worthy moments have been invested in this Friendship which has resulted only in frustration and nothing else. Similarly, there are friends who rather than giving us beautiful moments are so complicated that they are always in our thoughts. We keep on thinking about why they do what they do with us or anyone or even with themselves. I think such Friendships are indirectly toxic in nature which consume most of your mind disabling you to focus on anything else.

 

It has taken me a lot to understand how to identify who you really consider as a Friend though I am still struggling with it. How much time does it take to realize that an acquaintance is not only a familiar person to us but has become a Friend? And calling someone “Friend” is not a small thing because as far as I understand, friends are the extended family you choose for yourself. If anything goes wrong here, you can’t blame God or Destiny for this. You will have to take blame of getting subscribed to this pain and falsehood. Recently, a graduation classmate of mine couldn’t survive heart-attack. I wasn’t in talking terms with her for 12 years – right after the 1^st year of the course. Still, I felt to be there so I reached her home. Some of our classmates reached too. Now, I don’t know if I should be calling all of them as Friends because there hasn’t been neither much communication nor moments where we have shared any personal emotions together.

 

Later, when family members lifted the body for funeral, we chose to stand near her home for some more time before making the decision if we have to move towards funeral or leave for home. I observed how automatically my classmates started getting grouped with the people they were comfortable with and all of us formed small separate groups where each of them found the most comfort. And this happened considering the fact that not many even in the same group were regularly in touch but yes, these were the same groups as it was during college days. I found myself standing with a friend with whom my relationship has seen so many ups and downs that I don’t remember if I have had with anyone else. But when I saw us finding comfort in each other, it tells you somewhere that the bonding is more than just being classmates and this can be termed as Friendship irrespective of all the issues we had/have or will keep on having always.

 

I remember when I was in Hostel; this was around 16 years back. Well, it seems I am seriously aging now. Haha! So, there were two boys who had shifted here from UAE. They were schoolmates there but ended up having a very big fight post which they never even looked at each other. When they saw each other to be the only familiar faces sitting under the same roof 1000s of kilometers away from where they had come, they tucked away with each other and restarted everything as nothing was ever wrong between them. They even got shifted together in my room hence I got to know about this whole equation. This tells so much about Friendship that we can never understand when and how to term someone as our Friend because things keep on changing regularly with us. Yes, there are few people with whom it gets clear after a decade or two that these are our permanent people but with most of them, the question mark stays and will always keep arising. That’s the complexity of being human beings, isn’t it?

 

Any relationship continues only when the same level of curiosity is shown from both the sides. If only one person is putting the efforts or trying to drag it either because of genuine interest or doesn’t want to lose the person, it can’t get transformed into anything better irrespective of how much effort you put into it. Friendship is also similar and the toughest relationship to maintain because there are no bondages here which can make it difficult while leaving. Breaking marriage or family relationships are tough as you are associated on a different level altogether – you are either bonded by blood or rituals. Even after leaving each other, the hard stains are left behind which can never be cleared.

 

But with Friendship, you can choose to stop associating with the person as and when you want. No one will ask you what went wrong. Hence, maintaining such no-strings-attached kind of relationship is hardest to carry and in this fast and competitive world where all of us grow and fall in leaps, it’s tough to be at the same maturity level and bond with each other in the same foolish and funny manner with everyone for long. Hence, hard decisions are taken. Friends are chosen. They are dumped. They are again picked up and placed in our heart. And once again, kept away at good distance. And then you don’t know – if ever you guys can be Friends again or keep remembering each other from the same distance.

 

Well, that’s it. Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA 

Thoughts after watching: Ghar Waapsi (NOT A REVIEW)

2020th BLOG POST

It is often said that don’t judge a book by its cover. I think the same will have to applied for OTT contents now. For last 2 weeks, whenever I accessed Hotstar, the poster of their new series “Ghar Waapsi” never looked interesting to me. I kept skipping it. Finally, yesterday, as I didn’t have much options, I thought of watching it and man, how engrossing and touchy the series is! There were many moments which made me not only weep but have a proper cry session. Haha! Sometimes, you don’t understand what you need in life but such series makes It easy for you to understand at least some perspective on how you could tackle or handle a situation. I remembered my long holiday I had last year when I stayed with my aunty and cousins – the time I had there and the amount of peace and homeliness I felt living with them.

 

Ghar Waapsi has many such scenes that are gem to watch and I would like to talk about few of them here. When the main protagonist goes through the phase of joblessness and he doesn’t get any response from anywhere – even the things that seemed like success ends up getting stuck, he discusses it with one of his college seniors. He responded asking him not to worry. He tells specifically that this is just your slump phase so relax and let the moment pass. I literally paused and thought about my life and the way I react to situations. This one sentence has such great feedback on how we take so much stress about something that it starts impacting our mental health immediately and gradually, it starts worrying our physical health too. Otherwise, if we just consider any bad time as a slump phase and let it go, we can pass even the hardest times celebrating our life. We all know that Life is about both – good and bad times so why do we treat it as hell whenever it shows us another side of the coin? What an eye-opener this scene has been!

 

There’s another scene between the siblings where the brother who has just returned back from Bangalore asks his sister why she has stopped sharing things with him whereas everything was shared earlier between them. She confronts and tells him how she had few big events in life when she tried reaching out to him but he never picked up the phone due to his urban lifestyle of being busy in work and keeping family on hold forever. She taunts him saying that you come twice a year to home and keep your availability as a family member by being just that temporary guest. Now, in this particular scenario, none of them are wrong. We know how busy our lifestyle gets in the corporate life but the fact remains that we actually stop trying to even connect with our family on personal level once we leave home. In few cases, we are so busy that even if we stay in the same house, we behave as if it’s a PG – we use home just for sleeping.

 

This takes us so away from our family that our elders stop looking for support in us whereas our younger ones stop considering us for guidance. Is earning money or deadlines at office so important that we sacrifice something as precious as this? I can realize it myself the way I have become closer to my parents during this WFH phase where I am able to be of some help to them due to my availability 24*7. Now they know about my whole schedule for the day whereas I know what concerns they face while living alone as senior citizens or due to their health issues. This has really made us behave little less aggressively with each other in cases where our opinions don’t match. Similarly, I don’t have siblings but my younger cousins are the ones closest to me. I ensure that I keep on asking about them and learn what’s happening with their life and provide as much help as possible I can provide as an elder brother. All of this needs to be in place in our life otherwise just traveling to office, hustling there and coming back to sleeping is something that doesn’t excite me anymore.

 

There are many great events in the series but I would mention just one more point before this blog post turns into a long boring research paper. The protagonist leaves his hometown without informing his friend who stood with him for the whole time during his tough phase of joblessness. That friend feels very bad and ignored when he realizes how he has been treated as almost no one and he confronts him on call one day. Similarly, when he goes back to Bangalore, he feels everything is fine with him as he is performing well in his new job and meeting the deadlines regularly. It is his girlfriend who sits with him one day and makes him realize that his super-busy attitude is not because he is loving the job or he has some goals but because he wants to escape from the memories he has gathered while being with his family for 1.5 months. He is trying to avoid missing them and nothing else.

 

Don’t we need such people in life who can raise a complain about our attitude or some behavior which made them feel bad? Don’t we need a partner who makes our relationship go secondary for something we need to prioritize over him/her? Why don’t we often keep such people closer to us? Why do we run behind friends who serve nothing and leave the ones who were always standing besides when we were in our slump phase? We take so many things for granted and realize their value after almost a decade of losing everything and everyone. Memories are Past Tense. I don’t think we should keep nurturing the good days only in our mind. We should ensure that the same moment that made us feel good should be regularly lived. Our schedule needs to be optimized in a manner that it gives us immense happiness regularly rather than becoming a festival – which comes once in a year.

 

Well, Ghar Waapsi is a feel-good series and a terrific eye-opener. I would ask you to watch with all your family members as it has lesson for everyone – father, mother, brother, sister and well, obviously, us, the hero of our lives.

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA 

Why is 1st week of August so special to me!

2019th BLOG POST

The 1^st week of August is quite a nostalgic moment for me. I had joined by 1^st college and office on 3^rd August in 2009 and 2015 respectively whereas I had joined the PG college on 1^st August in 2012. Whenever the calendar gets changed to August, the first thought that my mind strikes is about all these new journeys that got initiated in this month which is full of good memories. I have met so many new people in each of these places out of which few people have stuck along and are still part of my life. Some of them have become friends who are nothing less than families. Yes, it takes time to understand which friends are here to stay whereas who are with us only for time-being and special occasions but I believe, a decade is enough to understand that.

 

College has been such a beautiful experience of my life. The way my introvert-self got comfortable in giving presentations in front of the whole class without worrying about what the result of it would be made me a confident person. Though the nervousness and self-criticism still exist which makes other see me as an under-confident personality walking around but somewhere in my heart, a small cell is always pushing me to perform and deliver whatever has to be shared with the people sitting to hear me out. I don’t think I would have got my personality transformed if it would not have been for the kind of teachers and classmates I met in my first college.

 

Talking about the experience in PG, it was more about beating the fear of getting failed in the upcoming semester. Haha! Every semester came up with tough subjects which became hard to understand even the purpose of it in our curriculum. The class had some really amazing students – some of them who were always involved in studies – some of them who balanced well between studies and masti whereas some who never looked like geeks but would score extremely well in the results. I always had to put extra efforts in order to ensure that I don’t get failed in any of the subjects – leave competing with any of them. Though, there were instance in almost every semester when I performed among top 2 in either of the 6-8 subjects. Enough massage to my ego happened during the result times. Haha! I always remember PG as a place which made me leave my comfort zone and learn things, I still feel I was greatly incapable of. This makes me realize the importance of right environment – it makes you do things you would have otherwise not even tried.

 

Now talking about the 1^st Job, well, what can be more peaceful in life than finally getting your 1^st job which will give you your very 1^st salary and make you achieve the ultimate goal of finding a place to earn. The loneliness you feel initially when you are the only new person in the space whereas everyone else are gelling together, making jokes whereas you are acting to be doing something on your desktop. Similarly, everyone is equipped with their tasks whereas you are still struggling to understand what your senior just explained you. You have no one to help you. You are regularly under radar of being judged for your performance. You are under panic incessantly thinking if you’ll be able to survive here and be one of these confident people doing their work aggressively and effectively. Eventually, things do fall into place but the initial days are very scary and doubtful.

 

All these memories make you realize how far you have come from where you started. It makes you believe in yourself whenever you fall down in life. You remember all those tough days in these new places where you eventually started belonging as if it’s your second home. You eventually owned your position and left with good impression. When my teachers and ex-colleagues talk with me today, it gives a peaceful feeling that past was good irrespective of its challenges and hurdles. I did something to be still remembered. You start thinking about your current times if all is going well and you get assured of your future that things will eventually fall in place because that’s what past data reflects upon. You know that you have been 100% successful in all the tests life made you appear in – the result because of which you are what you are today – either successful, on the way to be one or the one who is still exploring his path but with better mindset. Thanks, August, for always bringing these positive memories and nostalgic emotional moments remembering all good humans who were part of daily lives then but are not even in touch today.

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA 

Thoughts after watching: JugJugg Jeeyo

2018th BLOG POST

Last weekend, I watched JugJugg Jeeyo on Amazon Prime – a time pass family entertainer which will make you laugh here and there. Well, this is not a review but something that I was thinking while watching the movie based on the story and characters in it. The movie is majorly talking about marriage issues and the relationship between parents and children. Both of these concerns are very valid in terms of the changing society and some mindset not getting changed with it. I personally believe for myself that it takes me enough courage to accept few changes happening around me and I am not generally comfortable with all of them. It also happens at times that I am okay validating something that’s about me but when someone else is doing the same, I judge them immediately. We call this as human nature and leave it behind but the fact is that humans have kept on evolving otherwise, we would have still generated fire by creating friction between two flintstones.

 

There’s a scene where Varun gets to know that like him, even his father wants to take divorce. This suddenly ruins his mood and he gets into a victim mindset. Something that he felt was right for him all along in his 5 years of love marriage when he decided to part ways with his wife, he couldn’t appreciate his father taking the same decision. Why? Just because it also involved his mother in it who’ll have to suffer heartbreak and loneliness in her old age, right? But wasn’t he also suffering the same loneliness irrespective of being in a marriage of his choice even when he lived under the same roof with his wife?

 

This reaction happened only because the character of Varun couldn’t look at his parents beyond being his parents. He couldn’t understand that they are individuals in themselves and there can be a situation where they would like to leave the marriage behind  and move on even after 30+ years of living together. Children should understand that their parents are more than being just their mother and father respectively. They are an individual themselves before being a parent. Our society is created in a way that a couple’s life gets completely changed after having a baby and revolves only around them but that doesn’t make them just parents and nothing else. They can still have their own life, choices, decisions which can be against what family believes. Until when can an individual take decision that co-ordinates with family? There comes a time when the volcano of frustration and silence bursts out and burns everyone.

 

Similarly, there’s another scene between Varun and Kiara – according to me which is the most well-written piece in the movie where they are complaining about what went wrong in their 5 years of marriage. Though it has also been shown in first few minutes of the movie but this scene makes the characters speak about it to each other. You realize in that scene how things were very clear in their home since long but both of them remained silent about it which led them to this outburst which is like contradicting all your earlier silences at once. What if they had regularly discussed about what the other partner wants before taking any decision? If it wasn’t in compliance, how can they do it in a way which doesn’t impact another on an emotional level.

 

Kiara tells it to Varun in another scene about how he is wrong about his family which he is unable to take it. We must accept that there can be a possibility that an outsider or someone not in 1^st circle of your family understand your parents and siblings better than you. We get very offended when someone tells us that we don’t understand our parents, siblings or children well. When someone else tells us something about them or how to handle them, we get irritated or just shrug it off thinking – It is my family, I know how to handle it. But the truth may be that we don’t. We are one another walking creature on this planet and not God. We can’t be perfect. There is a chance that someone else is closer to our favorite people and we must accept this fact if it comes as a fact and not interference. Hence, either our attempt in life should be to be closer to our family and know about their changing attitude and preferences and not get surprised later on or we should give the other person the authority to serve them before us if they deserve it. We are family by chance not choice hence there is possibility of not being so well-equipped with their wills and dreams if we have been mostly self-centered or busy in our own things.

 

Well, enough! Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA 

Empowering you beyond Birthing by Mahima Bakshi (Book Review: 3.5*/5) !!!

2017th BLOG POST

20^th Book of 2022

 

There are few authors who write continuously on a single topic for a vision that they have in their mind for bringing a change in society. Writing books on the subject is their mission towards fulfilling their vision. One such author who’s on a mission is Mahima Bakshi. Her 1^st book was “Birthing Naturally” which spoke about how a mother should take care of themselves so that they can be as fit as possible when it’s finally time for their baby to arrive. Just after that, she has now released a 131-pages short book with Rupa publications named “Empowering you beyond Birthing”. I got chance to read this one which is a guide for new parents on postnatal well-being and equal parenting.

 

The book is very short which’ll make it easy for parents to go through it quickly and mark important points relevant to them. Mahima has further divided the book into 18 different chapters to give ample focus to the specific point she wishes to talk and elaborate about. Our generation has been quite cut-off from all the Ayurveda and ancient methods that was nicely adopted by our grandparents leading to which the situation has become so grim that many couples are not even wanting to have baby as they don’t know how will they go through the initial days post-pregnancy. Some of them are so nervous that they keep on postponing the pregnancy as they don’t know how they’ll handle their lifestyle, daily routine, weekend mastis and baby – all at the same time. Such books are crucial for parents running short of time due to plenty of workload and yet getting suggestions on how to plan expansion of their family.

 

The book resolves to clear doubts and concerns of new parents and in most chapters, Dr. Bakshi is successful in her goal. She has not only spoken on high-level topics but granular and minute level details too. Her research work and social interest towards ensuring better execution from parents on family planning is evident in her writing approach right from the first page. I liked those letters she has written to mother, father and at times, to both the parents after every chapter. It talks directly with you which makes you feel author’s words strongly. Mahima covers the aspects right from hospitalization to breastfeeding to post-partum depression to handling your child to finally getting back to your romantic sexual life with your partner.

 

Author focuses on the need of equal parenting. Just as gender equality has become a thing, Bakshi regularly wants us to understand that equal parenting is also needed for the couple to ensure none of them gets into an overwhelming or depressive situation. Though I felt Mahima talking more on behalf of mothers which is quite obvious but I felt personally that there are lot of points which could have been covered from fathers’ perspective too. I’ll talks about this later in the review. Anyway, her intentions are clear where she doesn’t want mother to lose her individuality because of having a baby whereas father continuing living the same life as before without realizing that it’s his equal responsibility too.

 

I liked the practical approach of the author where she discusses mothers to call either their mother or mother-in-law to stay with them in initial days to make the job easier for them. Author also explains why gap is needed between the 1^st and 2^nd pregnancy to ensure that the mother is completely ready for it rather than getting into the same sleepless routine again. Mahima also talks about the body care needed for mother and how to initiate or resume workouts gradually in order to lose their weight and get back to their previous shape without getting depressive about it. I am glad author speaks about post-partum depression – something many people don’t realize that a woman goes through.

 

Now talking about the drawbacks, I must say – there are many points which author could have added with detailing of exercises, recipes, diets etc. to be followed in this case. Also, book could have included how to cope up with the cases where mother loses child during operation etc. as it’s something which has majorly impacted many women. As the book focuses on equal parenting, I also wished if Mahima could have made women, specifically, understand why fighting for child custody in case of divorce by not letting father meet their child even once is cruelly damaging for the child’s mental health. Like, she has mentioned tips specifically for men multiple times, this serious issue should have also been explained to the mother in the book – prominently in a dedicated chapter.

 

From father’s perspective, how he also goes through several mental issues could have been discussed. A father starts doubting his ability to take care of his child due to financial issues or career stagnancy at times. They also start getting worried about family’s future as sometimes, mother takes decision of not working forever after holding their child for the first time emotionally. Men also starts getting irritated due to reduction in their sex life, being sleep-deprived yet attending office the next day and coming back home to handle mood-swings and depression of their wife. Such important issues should have also been included to make this book an equal guide for both – men and women. Currently, it majorly speaks from mother’s behalf – fathers might not get answer of many things they wished to know.

 

Overall, this is a book written with good intention and it can serve you well in your pregnancy and post-pregnancy days. It will be helpful in resolving most of your concerns. I give this book 3.5 stars out of 5. Please have it if you are planning for a baby; or gift it to someone you know is pregnant or already handling a new born baby. They will never forget this gift from you.

PURCHASE THE BOOK HERE

 

Thanks!

 

WRITING BUDDHA