When I realized the damage I did since last 8 years..

1550th BLOG POST -->>

Last month, my MBA 1^st year results got declared while I was in office struggling with some issue. I took out the time and checked the results and found that I passed with very respectable marks. Distinction! I was so glad, happy and proud about it that I wanted to celebrate the case with my friends. But before that, I thought of at least informing few of my friends about it on Whatsapp and then calling them up for a meet or something. But then I got busy again in the production issues that are more frequent in IT field than the lines of code all developers write together. When I came home in the evening and thought of breaking the news to my friends, I actually realized that I have no one in my life that I can celebrate this achievement with. I was all alone. To one person whom I had sent on Whatsapp, in the reply, I just received a THUMB smiley representing the most favorite act on social media- LIKING something. And that was all.

I held mobile in my hands and scrolled through all my contacts in the list and found no one who I can break the news to. In the midst of this process, I suddenly felt a grave loneliness. Not the loneliness we always talk about, but the loneliness that is the result of being ignored and thrown away by the society. It was humiliating, snubbing, helpless and depressing. By that time, I had long tears flowing down my cheeks on the bedsheet while I was searching for that one name that I can call my friend. Then I started counting the people who were very close to me once and considering that camaraderie I could have called them easily and there were lot of them. It was then I realized what I had done to myself. I started sending HII to most of them but in response, received HII only from 2 to 3 of them. Now, I wasn’t trying to call them for a celebration but to let myself feel little content that at least few of them remember me still.

I remember Haruki Murakami’s quote-“I'm not trying to imply I can keep up this silent, isolated facade forever. Sometimes the wall I've erected around me comes crumbling down.” Something like this had happened with me. To write blogs, to read more books, to do different activities, I had always sacrificed one thing before anything else- Friendships. I felt that why do I need friends in life when I have all of these to spend my life with. But this sounds great, I think, only in college times when you want to stay isolated from the noise as everyone around you is just talking, screaming and howling. When you start your professional life, for the whole day, you are sitting alone at your desk/cubicle with a monitor with no one to talk with. And after leaving the office after several late-sitting sessions, you want to meet up some of your friends at least on weekends. Hence, now I have started realizing that too much of peace and isolation is also not good.

Anyways, that moment made me realize the kind of person I am. Even though I have never done any intentional bad to anyone but still I had no one on one of my most important days of my life which made me rethink about my priorities and I immediately changed myself. I never let myself do wrong for a long period of time as I want to regret as less as possible in the last days of my life. In the last week of January, I met my Rakhi-sister. In the first week of February itself, I met 4 important people of my life who have a big role in my college life. One of them had met me after 2.5 years almost even though we were chaddi-buddies in Graduation days. I am Impossible. Seriously! Last week itself I met another graduation friend with whom I always had meaningful and life-enriching conversations. And now I am making continuous efforts to call and meet up all the rest of my friends whom I had left behind in this quest of nothingness called Peace which is not right when you sometimes need socialism and sharing. All my friends are surprised and seeing my messages for connecting with them, I am getting only one reply,”Bhai, kuch hua hai kya?” Now, how to tell them that bhai ko abhi nahi pehle jaroor kuch ho gaya tha.. Haha!

Thanks.

ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU!!!