My 25th Birthday! The Most Difficult One Ever!

1158th BLOG POST -->>

       

   What do I say? 4th October has always been my favorite day since birth. :-) The excitement with which one waits for his/her birthday is always the bestial moment of the year. I do not celebrate my birthday with frenzy but I do love living a day when people come forward and wish me for a better future. Friends that are out of touch at least send a note on Whatsapp. My birthday usually falls around Navratri. Hence, the environment itself makes people believe that my birth has caused in conglomeration of positivism, energy and spirituality. No? Ok sorry. This year, I have turned 25 years old. Well, officially, I am still 24 but you would be knowing our parents do some jhol with our birth year during admission in pre-schooling stage. I am one of the victims of this corruption. :-)  Completing silver jubilee by crossing the passage of 25 years has been a delightful experience. If today is to be the last day of my life, I have no regrets. That's how I have lived past 5-6 years doing what I like. 

          Where I stand today, I should have been here 2 years back when I was 23. I am still in MCA 5th Semester. I am still a student. I am yet to find a job. Marriage and children are no where in the vicinity. At this age, Graduate students are done with 4 years of job experience while MCA pass-outs are done with 2 years of it. Here, I do not know if I would be taken by any company for Internship itself. Depression is coming back into life. Thanks to the positive books, articles, interviews and videos that I keep seeing regularly which has kept me still in the same flow otherwise it's one of the serious deciding moments of my life. Any wrong decision in the next 2-4 months can spoil my whole career, or, at least, upcoming 5 years. 

          People kept suggesting me all these years to be master of ONE rather than being JACK of ALL. I never considered this suggestion. I stayed with my logic of penetrating myself in almost any field that I find exciting and approachable. I have kept doing various things because of which I have not been able to qualify as master of anyone. This is costing me today a lot. I fear sitting in an interview because I do not know about coding as well as an IT student should. I fear taking literature or book marketing thing as my sole business for life because it's too risky and the customers are very countable. I wish to attend a B-school for 2 more years and be a full-time MBA to run away from all these incompatibilities at the moment but I fear if someone would be interested in hiring a confused child like me who studied Computers for 6 years to land up in MBA for wasting another 2 years of his life.

           I am into an Identity crisis at the moment. Should I write a book that I have been planning for a long time in next few months, try to get it published and find if I am lucky as an author? If I am then I would get a source of income. But is it that easy to do with exams coming on head and hardcore internship period awaiting to grill me in the hottest furnace in the life of an IT student? Or should I start filling forms of Government job, sit at home and prepare for them so that once I am in, employment for whole life is secured? I am the most confused person in the world at this point of time. Co-incidentally, its the time when my birthday is around. I shall always remember my 25th Birthday as the most difficult period of my life. I don't even know what I would be when I would be celebrating my 26th. Mostly, children know what they would be doing in their next birthday because there's only 1 path to follow. I have forcibly put myself in a dark tunnel which is asking me to chose only 1 out of 6 ways ahead without an option of returning back if I have chosen the wrong path which has no opening ahead. I have to be very lucky with my decision right now.

           Sometimes, I think of purchasing Lottery tickets and try my luck. If I win a crore or 10 lakh something, at least, I would get few more years to survive on the money earned by me. In the same context, since Kaun Banega Crorepati started this year, I haven't missed a single episode where I have not answered the Ghar Baithey Jeeto Jackpot question. I am waiting for that call when Amitabh Bachchan will tell me that I already have 1 Lakh with me and answering a jackpot question can give me 2-3 lakhs more. That would be like package that my classmates would be getting as a Fresher. I can tell them that a question gave me what you will get by coding and coding and coding for a year. I am also thinking of learning stock marketing from an expert and start investing in shares. May be some day, Modi and Rajan does a magic and I might be Crorepati on an early morning. Life will change! That's how lost I find myself in this race of acquiring even the basics of living right.

     

    This is what I think every day right from the moment I start brushing till I am on bed to sleep. There has been so much of expectations from me even of the people who know me only through my Blogs that I feel my failure would be a personal disappointment for all. And sorrowful thoughts of anyone regarding how and why I turned out to be a failure even after achieving something or the another for last 5-6 years would take me into a zone where I would have lost my self-respect, identity and confidence. And the people who love/consider you thinks about you no matter how busy they are with their lives. I wish I sleep tonight and tomorrow when I wake up, I would have got the perfect idea of what I have to do/be without distractions of several things (that I mentioned above which I feel like doing).

         I need to take a perfect decision that would help me forget all the other interests that I have. Then I would be holding a string and following a particular path without thinking of reading a recently released novel, watching a movie to take ahead Bollywoodism website that I created recently, writing couple of content articles and earning part-time, writing a Blog post on something that I wish to talk about etc. But will it be easy for me to leave these habits that have got inculcated in my regimen for that one specific job on whose shoulders next 2 silver jubilees of my life would be carried upon? I don't know what 2015 has in its horoscope for me but I wish that 25th Birthday changes my life. From tomorrow, I am able to smile without thinking about the contradicting thoughts and worries that regularly runs in my mind. God Bless Me! OM SAI RAM! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST CONFUSED PERSON IN THE WORLD! :-) 

 Thanks.

 ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU!!!