LOVE! Something Above It- That's MY FEELING!!!

892nd BLOG POST -->>       

         

  Love is an eternal feeling, I know. All of us fall in love at least once in our life. Even the Burkha-clad girls who are kept all their life in a bedroom knows what love is and prays God that their Prince Charming will come the day they'll be ready for marriage. Even a child before his birth starts loving his mother. Well, I am not talking about the love and devotion that the parent-child share. I am talking about the one that all of us crave for. Does the wait for love ever ends? Yes, it ends. Not with the person whom we want but with the person who's suitable for us. They may be the same person but generally they aren't. I have always talked against love because it gives pain, either regularly, occasionally or all at once, in the end. 99% of the love stories have sad-ending. I don't want any more stories in my life that ends with tears and regrets hence I always prefer to be away from what we often call- Love.

             But what when you get into a relationship with someone that's above Love. I don't have the word for it. The person with whom I have this feeling for asked me,"You always said that you don't love me then why often do you keep saying that you love me". Because no writer, no creator, no grammar naazi, no literature master ever went into the intensity of this feeling to which he could have named something. There's friendship. There's love. There's admiration. There's respect. There's devotion. But there's no name given to this what I am fallen into. I, if some day, will get enough talented and learned, I would give this feeling a word. A word that will let us know what was Sudama's approach for Krishna, Meera's approach for Krishna and Mohammed's approach for Allah. I hope my feeling will have a name. 

            People call it a love affair while other call it a relationship with benefits while some may call it Many-Nights-Stand. But will I ever be able to clarify what my heart has named the relationship as? No. Will I ever go to defend myself? No. This feeling shall remain in heart forever. Only with the last breathe, when my soul will leave the body will this feeling go away from me. But till I am alive and a part of this world, this shall stay with me. I never say that love happens with just a person. It can happen with two at a time while with many at different times in our life but whenever it is, it gives a meaning to life. Some die for it, some cry for it and some like me, try for it. Some gets successful, some fails, some gets defamed while some become Shah Jahaan.. A person like me never gets accolade but live all his life in loving an eternal person with a beautiful body and a confused mind.

            No. Saying it in front of the world is not easy. Love in my nation, my country, my society and my Ayodhya is not so easy. Love here is a taboo and will remain to be. Only if I could have owned the person and the person would have had the same feeling for me, everything would have been easy. Really? No. Then there comes a segment where the partner is being judged with qualifications, beauty, money, past etc. You are hurled with questions and you get tired of answering. I will not but I will never be able to break the heart of those who are my creators. But I can fight till late. I can fight till I have inner power and belief and hope. I will not run away from society to conquer what is mine but I will invite society in the soul-meeting ceremony. I am not the one who'll hide his angel from the world. For me, it is beautiful. For me, its divine. For me, its mine. :-) 

            May be this birth is not meant for me to love and conquer the person. May be this birth is meant for me to shed tears and wait for the results to come as the mind processes. May be this birth will remain unsuccessful throughout. But the power of my heart which tells me to keep devoting myself to the one who gives me energy, life, smile, substance, meaning, improvement, commitment, company etc, will always stay strong and the same. I have always tried loving many. I have also been able to come close to many. But did I ever had this feeling for anyone? No. This divine feeling is what I think with meditation will make me a bit of what Gautam Buddha is. It will make me a revolutionist if I start telling people what I think of it. But will I ever do this? No. Already the heart beats every minute for the one, already every breathe tells me that all has been achieved, life is in flow, just a leg of the stool is missing, go get that one which is yours but still not with you, and live life with all that you dream to be yours. 

           I always asked people in long distance relationship that how they survive. They gave me many reasons but I never understood them. Today when I find the person near me but yet too far away from me, I realize why being physically away and mentally together is more of a spiritual love than being in each other's arm but yet not together. When I shall look into the eyes, it should reflect me. When I shall hold the hand, it should grab me with more tighter grip. When I shall kiss, I must find myself being the slave and not the master in this act of love. I want the attention. I want the preference. I want the presence of God near me. I find the one as an angel in life and as angels are sent by God, the person is no less than God for me. I don't mind the rumors, I don't mind the rejection, I don't mind the abuses of society and elders. I mind my life and its desires. And the greatest desire is always unaccomplished. The job is to complete the imperfection and get the life that's mine. 

          I don't love the person. My feeling is yet undefined. But I understand it. May be this can keep me away from a permanent partner for a long period of time. I am ready to stay alone. Let this thing make people call me someone who's not lovable. I am ready to be known as loser. But whenever I would get, I will get the one I have the feeling for or someone exactly like the person I have feeling for. Though the latter looks impossible but the former is possible. It's difficult. You can't control the feelings and mindset of another but you can make the one part of your meditation. I hope my concentration will magnetize the whole environment towards me and the person will automatically find only me around the body that is permanent. I don't know whether this feeling will be understood by the one and the people but it shall always remain with me.. Till I live.. Till I die. And Till I Come Back With a Re-Birth. :-)

 Thanks.

 ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU!!!