Don't Sympathize For Problems... But Empathize!!!

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    In life, either you are friends with good people or you are friends with loneliness. And who in life prefers loneliness? No one. The one who does are the soul who are actually either too meditative, genius and the one who have found the best partner in themselves. Rest those who prefer it are either depressed or have lost faith in humanity for something brutal that has happened with them. What any of these people have undergone through can not be judged by us who have lived a smooth life. We get frustrated because of very minute or common problems that challenges us. If once we will think about such people who have given their soul to the problems which has become a Nation's problem or black experience, we will find that still we are in a safer and manageable zone. We should never compare our success with those who are more successful than us but we should always compare our problems with those who are in bigger problems than us. It is only then that we feel good and motivating about the rest of the life that we have in our hands. Isn't it? Ok, try this once and then answer to this.

            I remember the state of my mind when I was in problem, few years ago. My psychiatrist suggested me a book. I wasn't able to get that book at that point of time but I searched for it on Internet. I got its summary and the moment I started reading it, I felt as if I am still living a better life even though I was in very depressing condition. It had examples of many such Indians who have faced problems of such kinds that broke them drastically in that moment but later on, it made them so courageous, rebellious and proud that any problem that surfaced them, they brushed it off like anything. Many of them went through such problems that Prime Minister or President of that contemporary time decided to meet them. What are our problems in comparison to them? It's just that we over-react and consider a minute event of life as a problem. Some people speak of committing suicide and even attempt it out of cowardliness but this is not how we should look at life. The coming days, weeks, months, years and life has many things to give us. Did we know 5 years back that we would be standing here at this position and spot? In the same way, we don't know what surprise is next 5 years going to give us. :-)

           Friendship with good people help us to eliminate our problems and lessen the burdens of our mind. But only when the person sitting with us is more experienced in such state. If he/she is not, he/she will definitely ask you to execute something that's very senseless but because our mind isn't in the state to analyze what has been taught to us, we go and execute it. Later on, the same small problem becomes a big mountain that almost kills all the hopes that we have with life. Hence, I always ask people to not discuss their problems with someone whom they feel are of their types or levels. I always guide to go to someone who's really experienced and will understand the problem, take some time and then guide. And I also suggest to follow such person blindly because he/she has been victim of the similar event, they know the pain and hence they never want anyone else to go through the same. Even their foe. Yes, its true. That's one of the very few good qualities of human being. :-) 

            And suppose if you are someone who has been asked to resolve the problem of someone or your friends, then never take a minute or 2 in giving them the solution because it might be proper for you to say re-actively but ask the person for some time- a day or two. Whenever any of my friend comes to me with a problem, I, rather than sympathizing, empathize with him. This helps me get into the character of the person and think the problem as if its mine. There has been times when I have been unable to write a post, concentrate in lectures, smile, think creatively, sleep, eat etc. in disturbance of someone's problem because I start reacting to it as if its mine. There's also a case when I got admitted in hospital not because there was something that was killing me from inside, but it was a problem of someone who came up to me for a perfect solution. At this level, I submerge myself to take someone out of his/her problem. I have shivered in public, sweated and cried thinking about someone's condition because at that moment, it was totally mine.

             And then, what my mind speaks for myself that could take me out of such problem if I would have been in the person, I convey the same to him/her. And not till date has someone who came to me went away without feeling happy about his/her life after implementing the idea. And thus I have such people in life who have promised that they aren't going to leave and forget me in life. That's an honour. And thus, I always ask all of you that never sympathize with someone's problem because that makes it big. Always empathize, wear his/her shoes and walk for a few miles in his footwear and you will get a good solution. Because you are not the real victim, its him. Hence your capability of thinking on the problem and solving it is 100x more than his. In the same way when you are in problem, go to a better experienced person and not to your best friend if he's not experienced or learned. Even if you find a 50 years old uncle as someone who has experienced your problem, go and discuss with him in privacy. He will surely help without letting your parents know. Yes, I have experienced this. :-) "Big Minds Are Rarely Polluted With Small Concerns- Robin Sharma"

 Thanks.

 ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU!!!