A Senseless Conversation by Gaurav Dashputra!!!

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                 Mr. Gaurav Dashputra is one of the rare writers who reside in Navi Mumbai. His debut novel "And Then It Rained" is running successfully in the market. I, being from the same area, get the privilege to meet him and talk about our literary ideas. This time when I met him we discussed and he felt that he should contribute on this space. As decided, he will be posting his views on every Sunday. This is his second contribution.

A SENSELESS CONVERSATION !!!

               Recently Women’s Day was celebrated world over and I personally read a lot of statuses and posts on that topic. Like every year most of them were centred around the empowerment of women and how we should respect them. I too have similar feelings and feel than women should be loved, adored, respected and taken care of. This Saturday my college organised a free medical check-up camp for women in Thane, Mumbai. The beneficiaries of the camp were lady teachers from various schools. Over 500 teachers turned up for the camp. Now trust me when a guy is surrounded with so much estrogen it can be very depressing and disturbing for your general well-being. No matter how civilized and sophisticated the women might be, when so many of them come together under one roof there has to be a lot of bickering, gossiping and complaining. 

             For all those who don’t know the female voice itself is biologically high pitched so when you have 500 of them in one room you can expect a massive headache coming your way. So after spending a good 7 hours in that room with all those women I wondered, like I have wondered so many times before – what do women really want? What is it that makes them so hard to understand? Well those 30 minutes of wondering were a waste because neither I nor any other regular guy in his twenties can give you the answer for that. God just doesn’t make a species more funny, unreasonable and ironic than women any more. But he also doesn’t make anyone as loving, caring, gentle, compassionate and warm as women.  

               But today’s post is not about the greatness of women as that was already covered by plenty on women’s day. Today’s post is more about the irrationalities a guy has to deal with when handling one. Before you go on to read this conversation that happened with me and my then girlfriend a few years ago, I would like everyone to take it in good spirits and treat it as a piece of humor and nothing more. I do not want to sound condescending in any manner as I love and respect them all – mothers, teachers, sisters, daughters, wives, girlfriends. Without them we wouldn’t have been what we are. So go on read the conversation, have a good laugh and enjoy your weekend.

My girlfriend: Hi! 

Me: Hey! 

My girlfriend: I see a bit of sarcasm in your tone. 

Me: Sarcasm? Why would I be sarcastic? 

My girlfriend: How would I know? Ask yourself. 

Me: But please tell me, how can a “Hey” be sarcastic? 

My girlfriend: You wouldn`t understand. Forget it. 

Me: Arre…if you didn`t want me to think about it, why even mention it? Answer my question – how can a “Hi” be sarcastic? 

My girlfriend: I don’t know. I no longer feel the same warmth in your tone. 

Me: Is it because of the cold I have? 

My girlfriend: See, you are being sarcastic again. 

Me: Yes, this time….I agree. 

My girlfriend: If you can agree now…why didn`t you agree earlier? 

Me: I am not being sarcastic baby. Tell me what makes you think something is wrong. 

My girlfriend: I don`t know. My heart says so. 

Me: Your heart? I didn`t know hearts could speak! 

My girlfriend: See…you are being sarcastic again! 

Me: Yes, this time also….I agree. 

My girlfriend: I feel things aren`t the same with us anymore. 

Me: What makes you feel so? 

My girlfriend: Your tone. 

Me: Do you think gargling would help? It is this darn cold. 

My girlfriend: I can see the sarcasm flowing again. 

Me: Yes, this time also….I agree. 

My girlfriend: You never used to raise your voice with me. 

Me: But baby, we have known each other for two years now. Even married couples start fighting in two years! 

My girlfriend: Don`t. Don`t raise your voice. 

Me: No I didn`t! I didn`t raise my voice at all! 

My girlfriend: Now you are. Why are you shouting? 

Me: If you get unreasonable, what do I do? 

My girlfriend: See….I told you…you aren`t the same anymore. 

Me: Ohh God. What makes you think so? 

My girlfriend: Don`t raise your voice, I said. 

Me: No sweetheart. I am not raising my voice. 

My girlfriend: You don`t have to say that so loudly. I am NOT deaf. 

Me: I know you are not deaf of ears…. 

My girlfriend: See…sarcasm again. 

Me: Ohh my God. Tell me what I have to do to make you happy! 

My girlfriend: Just be yourself. 

Me: Baby, I am being myself. 

My girlfriend: No, this isn`t the man I loved. 

Me: I am just myself. How can a man who lives for 100 years change drastically in 2 years? 

My girlfriend: You never used to argue with me earlier. 

Me: I am not arguing! 

My girlfriend: Don`t shout! 

Me: I am not shouting! 

My girlfriend: I think you want to dump me. 

Me: No I don`t. Why would I? This started as a casual conversation and here we are talking of dumping? 

My girlfriend: Yes. That`s what you want to do…and I can feel that. 

Me: What makes you feel that? 

My girlfriend: I don’t know….I just know. 

Me: How can you know ….when you don’t know… 

My girlfriend: I don’t know… 

Me: Ok fine. So what should we do? You suggest. 

My girlfriend: Take a one-week break, maybe? 

Me: I am fine with the idea, if that`s what you want. 

My girlfriend: I don`t want that. I am just doing it for you. 

Me: What??!! 

My girlfriend: Yes. Let us take a break, if that`s what you want. 

Me: Ok fine. 

My girlfriend: Now you being sarcastic… 

Me: How can “Ok fine” be sarcastic? 

My girlfriend: I don’t know… 

Me: I don’t know too sweetheart. But bye. 

My girlfriend: Bye. 

Me: Yes, take care. Call me if you feel like calling me. 

My girlfriend: See…you are being sarcastic about my feelings now. 

Me: Yes, I was. 

*Thank God my phone`s battery went off. Else, you would have been forced to read two more pages of mindless conversation. 

**Men out there, beware of women. They are complex. Worse than the Algebra that you dreaded in school. 

Until Later….Keep Smiling

Thanks.

GAURAV DASHPUTRA!!!