Hidden Chapters are Part of Every Fighter's Life!!!

754th BLOG POST -->>

            People often ask me as to why do I struggle so much to keep this space updated. They have problem with the kind of possession I have for this space. May God tell them about the passion I have for this medium. It was the same in 2009, it is still the same and it will remain to be so. Let me get married or be a father, I know that I will anyhow find time to manage to be here, write and make people read what I write. Let them not comment. Just read and go. I don't feel bad about it. People often remark that a Blogger with the kind of reader base I have should be having almost 100 comments on every blog post while I get none at some of the posts. I don't know why does it not happen with me here on the Blog Page. I get a lot of them on my mails and FB Page but I don't understand as to why it does not happen here. But this is a very small reason that'll kill the passion I have for the space. I will break my body, my life and almost anything but I will write. Even if I'll become a Novelist, an Author or may be one of the biggest Bestsellers of India, I will keep this space as enthusiastic as it is currently, no matter what. 

               People often advise me for several things in life. Some says that my routine should not be so strict on a daily basis. I should keep some of the things for alternate days. Some say that I need to sleep at favorable timings and for good amount of time. Some say that I need to understand that life is of 70 years and not of 30 years that I am dying to achieve all that one can as early as possible. Some even feel that I don't get paid for anything that I do in life so why should I struggle so much. Different people, different perspective. Their suggestions are always welcome and the execution has to be determined by me in the end as to what I really need and want. I know the differences of ideologies I have with myself. At 10 years old, I loved sleeping and lazying around. At the age of 15, I was a great fan of watching television. At the age of 20, I loved sitting at Cyber and roaming around. Now, at 23+, I have understood what I need in life. And I also know the effort that I'll have to put for achieving those things. 

            But, when people tell me some things about myself, in personal or on Twitter/Facebook/Mail, I just hear like a good listener but does not promise for any change. Because, everyone in their life, who have taken risks, entered the wrong path in the search of what life really is, have met with some bad experiences that they can never share with anyone in life. I had my own experiences. I have not even noted them in my personal diary because it is too positive to handle any of such painful incident. And I can never share it with anyone. Let it be my parents, my best friends, my wife after some years and my children after a decade or so. These incidents will remain a secret till my death. It will lie with me in the grave, as fresh as my thoughts. Those painful incidents have made me realize that life could have ended at the age when boys love playing Cricket and stalking girls. I would have been taken to such a place from where either I would have died by severe torture or I would have become a national Criminal. This is all I can say now. Not more than this. Rest, let it be a Secret. My life is too good currently and I don't want to make it any emotional now.

             So, I have seen death closely. I have seen how my life cried to get refreshed and reactivated. I didn't know from where to start. Some how, I started. God gave me the strength. My mother helped me even when she is still unaware as to what really made me go into that stage of coma. And she will never know it in her life. My father changed his attitude towards me just to see his child become playful as ever. And, finally, the change happened gradually and I stood back with more power, confidence and belief. And then, it took me a year to analyze what I have to do in life. I read books and realized that there's diamond in everyone of us. We need to find it ourselves and act accordingly. I started finding the one in me. I got a piece of it and I started sharpening it. Then, there was no one at support. Childhood friends didn't even know where their most funny friend was who kept on getting his grades reduced every year because he spent all his time in making all of you laugh. Then, I realized that I am the Gardener of my life. I will water it according to myself. No one else have the rights to tell me what to do in life and how. 

              And, as I didn't want my life to be as normal as everyone's, I started reading the biographies, wikipedia and special interviews of all the legends of all the fields. I kept on listing all the strange things that they did to achieve the spot at which they sit today. And then I decided as to what from their life can be implemented in my life and what I have to add in by myself. Finally, I made a draft of all activities that I wanted to keep in my routine. And I have been successfully doing all of them since 2.5 years and I keep on adding activities even now. I want each minute of my life to be for my growth and people's help. Now when I have got the life back, I don't want to waste it by doing what everyone does. I never tell people about my routine, my targets and what actually I need in life and what my targets are of each year. I have my plans till 2020 written in my diary. What I thought till 2012 has been successfully accomplished. For that, I have sacrificed so many virtues of life but I don't need them. I need this life that I am living. 

           People might find me weird or insensible but seriously, I don't live to impress anyone now. I live for each minute that the almighty has given to me. I learn all religions and I follow the best that I read in them. People will never understand me because they don't know what I have been through and what effect it has left over me. I will never answer back to their contradicting questions but I will never ever show the pain and tear on my face. If ever it comes out, I will make it sure that once I am back to my state, I will never show them the darker side of my personality. I am here to smile and spread smile. I am blessed with sense of humour and I make it sure that I make most of it. For me, the clock in life does not exist any more. What exist is the present. I am working hard. I am going to do something bigger. I am on my path. I will do it. If I don't, I will never let God take my breath so easily. Even in the last stage of my life, I will keep asking him to give me one more chance to prove myself. And I know he will give. 

            Many do find even this a nonsense that I write blogs during my exams. This is how I have decided to live my life and this is how I'll live till the end of it. Even if I'll be on ventilator, and the people who ask me to get little slower in life will come to meet me, I'll make it sure that I would be trying to do something even at that moment. We can't begin the new chapter of life if we will keep reading the read ones. So, I have stopped living in the dangerous phase of my life. I am building my future. And it's totally MINE. Tomorrow, when I'll be left alone in this world, I know that there will be no friend who'll come to support me. Because, they like this Abhilash who makes them feel good about themselves. They like the better part of mine. They have still not known about the stages that I have gone through. And if I'll meet even the 10% of what I have gone through in future, they will leave me. I know this. Because its hard to support anyone who is victim of something of that kind. 

              Everyone who has taken risks has hidden chapters in life. I have lots of them. I will never disclose it to anyone ever. If my children would see me as an Idol for them or a Role model, it might happen that I'll tell them half of these chapters but not all. But, only when I'll get to know that I don't have much time to live as I don't want any sympathy or isolation in life. I need all the smiling faces around me. Life with sympathy for you is not the life that we plan to live with a smile on our face. It is a life on rent, almost. But, as of now, I don't have much words to speak. I have already spoken a lot. This post is not for anyone of you. It is for me. Some times I do write to talk to myself. I have done this again. And remember, I can never live the life like all of you. It is not easy. At least for me. I will never tell why. But, I will set an example and go. Till then, let me live a life that you won't like to. And please pray that I achieve all that I want in life. And ask God to add more beautiful things in my routine. 

 Sorry for such post!

 Thanks.

 ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU