EK THA TIGER.... Theek Hai, Par Kyon? (Kind-Of-Review)

660th BLOG POST -->>

            I don't even know why am I writing this. Almost half of the movie viewers in India has booked their ticket in advance. I being in the TOP FOOLS of the nation booked First Day First Show of Ek Tha Tiger with my friends. This has become a new trend in our country. We celebrated 26th January by watching Agneepath and 15th August by watching Ek Tha Tiger. And Salman Khan's movies are no less than festivals in India, these days. Once, his movies were like ekadashi and all which used to come and go and no one used to give a damn. :-) Seriously speaking, when I saw the first full theatrical trailer of Ek Tha Tiger, I was sure that movie would be Salman Khan's best. Now, after watching it, I seriously want to congratulate those guys who made that trailer look epic when movie is one of the worst that can be made in this period of time when movies like GOW, Kahaani and other such masterpieces are winning the hearts. 

             Every time I book a ticket for Salman Khan's movie, it is only for watching his "Herogiri" and presence on screen because I know that the actor has no problem in signing a story-less movie. But I think that I am going under some serious medical problem that I start expecting story from Salman Khan's every new movie and end up scratching my groin in frustration. Ek Tha Tiger is another baseless story. Salman being a spy goes to scrutinize a professor. He meets Katrina there. As usual,love happens. Katrina turns out to be spy from dushman desh-Pakistan. Now, both the actors start running away from their respective- RAW and ISI. And right from the interval to the end of the movie, they keep on running. And as an Independence Day Special, director has ended the film with a dialogue that this is the first time in the history when ISI and RAW came together for a purpose- To search Tiger and Zoya. And the movie ends. With that, an audience in me managed to say in a breaking low voice- Ek Tha Audience. :-(

              Not even a single dialogue manages to freeze itself in your mind for a second. Stupid dialogues. Not a single song that remains in your soul and lips. The one song that they used the most to promote the movie- Mashallah is the promotional song that comes in the end credits. I and you are left with Laapata and Banjara songs. :-( Saiyyaara is one decent song. The acting by Salman Khan's head- Girish Karnad as Shenoy is one of the most assholic(created this word now) performance I have ever seen by an important character of such Big budgeted movie. Ranvir Shorey is the best part of the movie. I forgave him for Chandni Chowk to China after watching this. :-) 

             

            Kabir Khan's New York enforced me to believe that Ek Tha Tiger will at least not disappoint me even if it fails to surprise. But... Kabir Khan has got into the league of those stupid directors from this movie who gets a good producer and an actor for a stupid movie. Just by showing some new locations from 2-3 parts of the world does not make you a great director. Even the action scenes are not something that are seen for the first time. It's better to watch Salman's previous 3-4 movies. They have better ones. And that too with Salman Khan's usual performances. Neither the Love story nor suspense remains for more than 5 minutes on the screen. In this movie, even Salman Khan is unused. The choreographers have just made Salman stand and lip-sing the songs by seeing Katrina with passion. Dabangg, Ready, Bodyguard, Wanted.. each of his movies have given a signature step to all of us who don't know dancing but this one has given us none. Every part that is concerned with the making of Ek Tha Tiger has failed tremendously. 

             Katrina Kaif has justified- "Give me any movie and I will act in the same way that you will always be confused if you are in a new movie or in a sequel to the previous one in which I acted". But if those dialogues were said by herself, I would at least compliment her improvement in dialogue deliveries. And why do I even need to talk  about Salman Khan while reviewing the movie? I went for seeing his herogiri. He manages to do that perfectly. Even in a story-less movie, he manages to prove that he will remain THE SALMAN KHAN for a long time. Right from his entry to the end of the movie, he stays as the only person who holds audience because every second of the movie continuously nudges you to run away from theater as soon as possible. As I have said, Salman Khan is not treated as one by Kabir Khan. Not a single dialogue given to him that can make audience clap. Not a single signature step. Not a single romantic scene which can make us remember our partner. Instead he is asked to keep a stone-face throughout the movie as a TIGER is meant to be in attitude. Huh!!! SALMAN BHAI, hit toh ho aap. Ye film 3 Idiots ka record bhi tod legi but agli baar jab koi nayi sign karna toh please story padh lena. Director k khokli baaton mein mat aa jaana. 

             With WANTED, Salman Khan came with a bang in form. Then came DABANGG which proved that Salman Khan can play a character where we can forget that we are watching the star-Salman Khan but a character like Chulbul Pandey. Then came READY and it pissed almost 95% of the audience. Then BODYGUARD, which pissed 90% of the viewers again. And now with EK THA TIGER, I think 99% audiences have said to themselves,"Kyun hum story expect karte hi hain jab hum sirf Salman Khan ko hi dekhne aate hain?" Next is DABANGG 2, which has lots of expectations because the first part was phenomenal but Abhinav Kashyap being replaced by Arbaaz Khan creates a doubt. Then KICK, which will be directed by GREAT SHIRISH KUNDER. So that movie will surely be kicked by viewers again(after making it enter in 100-200cr club). So, today on EK THA TIGER's Day, I take an oath that I will never ever expect story from SALMAN KHAN's movie. I will surely watch them but only for SALMAN KHAN's presence on screen which makes us feel that Apne me se hi koi acting kar raha hai screen pe. :-) Else, koi critic toh hu nahi toh kya star dun.. chalo, 0.5 hi lele tu Kabir Khan..ab ye 5 mein se hain ya 100 mein se.. Kya farak padta hai? 200 Crore toh tum kamaa hi loge.. bas kabhi mauka mile toh mere aur mere doston ke 150 rs each lauta dena. 

   Thanks.

   ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU