Tumhe Haq Hai !!! Par Itna Bhi Nahi !!!

            557th BLOG POST -->>

       My friends came to my home on 4th of this month for a night-out as we finished giving the most important Entrance test of our life. It will decide our next 3 years on which our next 35 years would be decided. There has been many instances before when my friends have spent night at my home. So, they are clear about the rules which I have already stated to them. They know that once they enter my home, they can't operate their mobile too much, they can't have conversation with someone on mobile for more than 5 minutes, they can't use their laptops and neither mine, there would be no television watching and there would be no alcohols and cigarettes consumption in my home. Everyone have their mind prepared whenever they know that they have to go for a night-out at Abhilash's house. 


         So, after the night-out of 4th, one of those friends said to me the next day that it was a total fun at my home and he never thought that he would enjoy so much playing Carrom all night. I replied him that I always plan such things to be done at my home which we don't do usually and regularly in life. He cheered. I told him that I hate the concept of friends sitting on computer at someone's home and getting all the wonderful files and data transferred into their portable hard disk or watching a Hollywood movie silently. He replied that if it would have been another friend's home, everyone would have switched on the television and PC and they would not have given even attention to him even if he would have shouted at them for turning off both the electronic medium. He said that it was me hence everyone followed the rules else no one in our class hears if they decides it once. I smiled sweetly trying to avoid arrogance or pride on my face and the conversation ended. :-)


          Now, the reason why I shared this conversation with you is to make you realize something. Did you get it? I think NO. The concern is to ask you to never over-accept anything of anyone. It is my home. I would never like my friends coming and browsing all my cupboards and drawers. No!!! How can they? It's my home. Right? And more than mine, it's my parent's residence. So, there might be some very personal things kept in them which if seen to others might disrupt the privacy of the family. So, a rule and mechanism is being needed to control the guests and friends at the home. You need to be little stringent in these kind of cases. Because, initially, you may like it, but later on, your over-acceptance will give a warm hug of approval to your friends and others and they might start browsing everything of yours without your permission. There's a boy in my class who never gives his mobile in anyone's hand. And I like it. It's very nice. Else, the boys of my class takes anyone's mobile from their hand and hide it. Later on, when they get time in between, they read all their personal messages and share it with others. But, with this boy, they have never done that. Because he never gave approval in the last 3 years to anyone to touch his mobile. Over-accepting others' intolerable activities is a matter of distance in his case. 


            Now, in my class, there are many situations when boys slap any of the girls' hair and they can't say anything. They touch their cheeks and they still tolerate it. Sometimes, while taking photographs, they hold them so tightly and so closely, that even when they feel it awkward and shameful, they can't say anything. But is this the situation for every girl in India? No. Because, its the difference in attitude of those girls and these girls. Those girls never gave anyone a warm hug of acceptance. While, these girls I'm talking about has given an over-acceptance to everyone. They did it initially. They would have liked it. But now, when they see that they don't have a close friendship with them that they can be so comfortable with them, they feel it awkward and uncertain when they see those sections of boys touching them inappropriately. But, solution? No. There is still a "may-be" solution which might work. They can shout at them the next time they do it again. If asked in retaliation that "I am being doing this from a long time and continuously, you never had problem. Why are you creating an issue of it today?", a girl can easily answer,"I have been accepting it thinking that you may stop this behen****panti but you don't seem to improve and hence, I had to say it today and I warn  if you touch me ever again." Isn't it easy? Yes, it is. Next time, the boy would fear and scare in even shaking hands with the girl. 


             You may say that this may give a wrong impression of the person in mob and public get-together that happens almost in every lunch break and every off-day. So, that is because you gave an over-acceptance earlier that you will have to show this kind of an attitude. And you should show it once it is high on your mind. We, boys, generally, give a full acceptance to the abuses our friends hurl on us which is being related to the characters of our parents, relatives and siblings. We like it initially. But, at a point of time, you start feeling it bad when you turn mature and understand the importance of these relationships(on which the abuses are being hurled). So, never over-accept these kind of things in the initial phase itself of your relationship with anyone. It seems to be fun earlier but later it becomes the consequences of your being in depression or sadness or frustration. I hope you got what I wanted to convey through these 2-3 instances of over-acceptance I have observed in my life. 


  Thanks.


 ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU