Sau Raastein.. Ek Teri Raah Nahiiiiin......

            527th BLOG POST -->>

       Smiling face does not denote that the person is a happy soul. A person smiles because of any of the 2 reasons: First, he is very happy or Second, he is trying to hide his sadness. Whenever I smile, I smile because I am happy from within but when I am not, I still manage to give a fake smile. I try to make it sure that when I am around, people should feel motivated and spirited. If I manage to do so, I feel very good about myself but if I see that people are sad because I am sad, I feel like blowing my head off. People love to be around the person who keeps laughing and making others laugh. People ignore the person who is a depressing soul and a person who keeps complaining about everything in life. Every other person does job. Every other person has an evil boss. Every other person is unsatisfied with his increments, bonuses and promotions. Every other person wants to change his job. So, if you are facing the same problem and you are showing off that you are the most tortured person on the Earth, its just over-acting and nothing else. Every other under-graduate student is struggling with assignments, presentations and projects. Every other student is being tortured by his teachers and is frustrated because of exams and dipping percentage. So, if you are facing the similar problem, you need not prove the world that you are a hard-working soul. Instead, we should try to show people that in spite of working in such an atmosphere, we live so cheerfully without any tension and pressure. That will make you an inspiration and instance for others. People will love to know from you that how you manage your personal and professional life paralleled. But if you are crying about the job you have to perform just like any other person, you will be ignored and kicked. 


             So a face should be smiling even if you are dealing with one of the major problem of your life. I, personally, try to spread as much love and happiness as possible. I want people to be happy. I want people to convert their unhappiness and sorrow into cheer and zeal. So, even when I see that a person is sad or low, I try to give him some beautiful examples of some great people who resolved their problem in a distinct way and started living a happier life than before. But, sometimes, I face some situations when I'm enforced to show that loser expression on my face. I am not a great actor like Amitabh Bachchan or Shah Rukh Khan who can conduct love through his face even when hatred against someone is creeping in my heart at the same time. So, it becomes tougher for me to react in such a situation. Currently, I am sort of depressed. I don't know how and when did this bloody creature touched me but it managed to touch. I don't love being Depressed and being Low but the situations in my life has propelled me to be one of the victims. I still create jokes in class and I smile just as usual, but it doesn't come from heart, it comes from my fake self who shows others that I am the most happiest of all. I try to control my emotions but in the end, I am a human being and expression is my tool. Result: I have finally started writing on this and reacting on the sad parts of my life. They don't matter me much but still they are killing me from past few days.


             While discussing with a family friend, I just said that mummy watches daily soaps passionately which is not right. She should also take interests in other things which will help her more. But my mother misinterpreted my Chanakya's Chant :-) and stopped watching Television at all. Whenever I come at home from college, I get to see that she is cleaning and decorating the home. After giving me dinner at 9, she goes to sleep at 9.30 PM. While before, when she used to watch daily soaps, she used to sleep at 12.00. She is making me feel guilty about what I did to her. I apologized for 1000 times in front of her but she is not ready to show any kind of kindness towards me. I even blackmailed her that I will come at 10 PM everyday from college if you'll not watch TV but still she is strict on her promise that she will not watch because I said that I don't like it. This has sucked half of my energy. A mother making her son feel guilty about what he did to her even when he didn't meant it is such a cruel punishment to a son. Because of this, I can't think about anything else and hence, you can see that I am not posting anything new on my blog page now-a-days. Seeing my mother sit idle for the whole day is depressing me. Even now, I am weeping because I am guilty about this but there is no solution to my problem. 


           Second, when you are in pain, you expect your friends to understand you. Your expressions says it all but in all these 2 weeks none of my friend understood that there is something wrong with me. This pained me more. A human being always need a person who can give his shoulder to him when he wants to cry but I have no one in life. I can't call anyone to tell my problem and get a beautiful solution. Instead, a scenario happened in college when unintentionally my Best Friends did something to me which made tears come in my eyes but still they were unaware of the pain I went through. This made me more depressed. I cried that night. But, whom can I share all this with? I don't have any sibling. Neither do I have any close cousin with whom I can share all this. I don't have a friend who can understand me even when I hide my pain or doubt. I don't have anyone. I am in depression and I am trying to come out of it. But how can I when my mother is doing this to me in house and friends are turning out to be useless in any matter concerned with my life? Finally, I thought to explode everything in front of my Blog Readers tonight and give a little relief to myself. I hope your comments will work. 


            Thanks. :-(


ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU