What If I Die Tomorrow Morning ?

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        Yesterday dad was at home and I went to sleep early at 2 AM (usually I sleep between 4 to 5 AM. No, I am not a Super Human). After lying down on bed, I started thinking various things as I was feeling quite terrible last night. I was feeling quite lonely and quite depressed. Yes it happens with me still. I feel depressed even after having many friends on Twitter who keep complimenting me for the whole day and many friends in real life who always want to meet me and many girls in my Mobile's Inbox whom I have kept for flirting purpose(hope they are not reading this post). I kept thinking about the relations which I broke in last 3 years. The relation which I want to break but I can't because they are too close. Then I thought that the relations I broke were also very close ones. So, I kept thinking such things. I also thought about how to behave in my new semester. Is any change required in personality? I also thought whether I should make friend with some people with whom I broke apart either because of misunderstanding or ego. While thinking all this, one thought which stuck my head and made me think for 2 hours was- WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING?

             Yes, I know its a crappy thought but seriously WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING? Has anyone of you ever thought about this? I know, you didn't because these type of thoughts can click only my brain because I have little connection with aliens too. ;-) I keep postponing many of my programs and the work to be done for tomorrow everyday. But what if the Tomorrow never comes? What about the promises I made to myself and never fulfilled them till I lived on Earth? What will I answer myself if there is a life after death? I am little shy when it comes to expressing love to my father and therefore there are lot of feelings in me which I have to tell him but I can't. Every time my father visit us on weekends, mera mann karta hai k main unke pair dabaaun because he works in a Steel and Iron plant and have to walk for the whole day from one corner to another to solve the machinery problems when the supervisors get stuck. But I am so shy that I can't go and start pampering his legs immediately. I keep on postponing it and saying that I'll do it from next time when he will come back again next week. So, WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING? I will always remain in a guilt that I never healed the pain of my father's leg.

              There are lots of secret I want to share with my mother. Those secrets are such that it can cause in the assassination of my image and character my mother has in her mind and heart. But as she is my mother and I have made some crimes and I have done things which is totally unacceptable in the society, I feel like I should tell her before she comes to know from someone else. But WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING? Those Secrets will always remain a Secret. 

              I have a girl in my mind with whom I feel that I should share my love and life with. I want to marry her and I want her to be the most beautiful mother of my children. I want to tell her that I love her a lot but whenever she calls me or she meet me or she is sitting alone with me, my heart starts dithering and ceases me whenever I am about to speak my heart out to her. WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING? I'll always remain single. I'll always remain without a girl. I'll never ever know whether she had the same feeling for me. I'll never ever get the chance of talking about love and romance with her. I'll never get the chance to hug her, kiss her and have wonderful living moments with her. 

              I have many of my friends who love me like anything. I have done nothing for them and I don't think that I can ever do anything for them. I want to tell them that they are one of the best thing I experienced in my Life but I don't tell them because I feel that they will change after that. They'll start fingering their attitude towards me, they will start interacting like someone I got by luck and this will harm our relation. But, WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING? I'll never get the chance to tell how important they were in my life. I'll never get the chance to tell them that they made my life special and worth living. They'll never get to know that how much someone loved them in his life. 

             I have lots of dream to accomplish. I want to write 3 fictional books and 1 autobiography. I want to buy a dream flat on the top floor of a skyscraper in Mumbai adjacent to the sea. I want to see Amitabh Bachchan and Sachin Tendulkar once in my life. I want to be on television at least once in my life (not by bombing at a public place but for a good purpose ;-)). I want to buy a car and gift them to my parent and work as a driver for them whenever they'll want to have a ride or would want to visit a place nearby. I want to work in any of the developed countries like Europe, America and England and earn lots of money and come back to India and start my business (even though I don't have any knowledge and skill of business). But, WHAT IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING? I'll never get to read the books and autobiography written by me. I'll never get to feel the experience of cool breeze on the top floor of the skyscraper. I'll never get an experience of watching the waves of the sea while sipping hot tea in the balcony of my sexy flat. I'll never get to see the superhuman(men) and legends like Big B and Master Blaster. I'll never get a chance to do something big to be aired on television. I'll never get an experience of seeing a happy smile of my parent's face when I'll gift them a Car. I'll never get a chance to go and witness how a foreign countries are like. Are they really so perfect as they seems to be on Television and Movies. I'll never get a chance to count the profits I'll earn through my business.

              I am really scared of thinking of life IF I DIE TOMORROW MORNING. Thanks.

ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU