A Father Whose Son Committed Suicide !!!

            281th BLOG -->>

        Firstly, I want to apologize for some silly mistakes I made yesterday in my blog post. I used the name of Mughal Emperor Akbar at some places. Actually he has nothing to do with the festival of Raksha Bandhan. It is all about Emperor Humayun. I have corrected it and hence I want to alert all of you that please go through the Raksha Bandhan's blog once again and it was Humayun to whom Queen Karnawati sent the Rakhi to and not Akbar. Sorry.

             281th BLOG -->>

He was like this...

        I still remember the day - 4th October , 1989 when he was born. I got a phone call from my father that I have turned a father myself. I went mad over excitement and I started my scooter (It was the best service then) and took off for the hospital. Mad in excitement, I ran and landed directly in the ward where my wife was admitted from last 3 days. I went and asked the nurses where are my father and mother and where is my child. She told me that everyone is in waiting room. I ran and found my parents playing with their grandson. I went and immediately took my baby child in my arms. He was so sweet. He was sleeping at the moment. I started kissing him madly in love and happiness but the nurse came soon and she asked me not to kiss the baby as it may lead to infection. Some how I controlled myself and asked my excitement to control.

           After this, the days passed, the month passed and my child started growing. As he was growing, my love for him grew every second. I stated dreaming a lot for my child. I used to take him for a round to the market nearby and whatever he pointed I used to buy for him. I remember when he was 2 years old, he had 250 toys all of them were bought by me. I loved him so much. I used to be sad in office as I used to miss my child so much. I framed his pic in which he was smiling sweetly and I used to keep watching it while working. My wallet also had his pic. As soon as I used to come from my office, he used to run and hold my legs. I used to be so proud of having such a sweet bachcha and I used to be more happy when I saw him loving and kissing me. He used to hate my moustache when I used to kiss him so I shaved them off just for my little baby.

            After this he grew up more and I loved him in his school dress. He seemed to be so responsible. He used to touch my feet daily in the morning before going to the school and I used to kiss him back. He then used to say that when in the evening I'll return I'll expect Eclairs from you. I used to give the chocolate to him daily. He grew more and then both of used to ride bicycle. I taught him nicely and he used to ride the bicycle and I used to sit behind and support him. How much I loved seeing him growing up. He was the angel of my life. Every evening I used to make him sit for studies and I used to clear his doubts. He grew more and both of us used to go for horse riding and boat riding too. My wife used to take all the memories into the handy cam I bought when my child started going to school. I used to trap all the good moments I shared with my child.

             One day, I measured his height and saw that he grew more taller than me. I was so proud to see my son. He was the most handsome and most good-looking boy in his friend circle. He used to perform dance programs in our colony and drive the audiences crazy. I was the biggest fan of my child's dance. I didn't taught this to him. I don't know how he learned this. He used to write poems for me and I used to listen them with all the concentration. Some poems made me emotional too. He grew 20 years old last year and I took him to the best restaurant of the city and we ate all the foods he liked to eat. I gave him his favorite mobile too without any questions. He was so happy that day. His happy face - this is for what I did all this. He was smiling all day to gain all the love from me. I loved him so much right from his birth that I never thought of second child. He was my only child.

             Yesterday, I came to knew that he bunked his college for last 2 weeks incessantly. I was shocked to hear this. I came to knew that he used to roam with his friends on bike all around the city. I have no problem with this but I was tensed for his future. I have always allowed him for all the fun and masti but I don't want his future to be effected because of some delightful moments. I slapped him for the first time. I was so sad last night that I didn't slept and I could feel the tears in my eyes all night. In the morning when I woke up and went to his room to say Sorry to him, I saw an unbelievable view. He was lying with no movements on the floors. The blood was flowing from his wrist and the blood was scattered all over on the floor. I was shocked and moved. I ran towards his body and checked his nerves and heart and saw that nothing was moving. I called the doctor and he announced that he is no more. 

             I have lost everything of my life. I have lost all my world today. I have lost the presence of my sweet boy. I have lost the smile of my sweet child. His voice which used to call me - PAPA, his hands which used to hold me when we used to cross highways, his cheeks which I used to pat when he used to crack jokes, his forehead I used to kiss as a caring father. I have lost everything. Just - Just because of One Slap. I understood my child so well and today I have failed in my life as my child didn't understood me. He misunderstood that slap and he ended his life. He has left some memories which are left with me and will always remain in my heart and soul. I can still feel his presence all over in my thoughts and imaginations. I can see him smiling in the sky. I can see him playing football on the empty ground in front of the school which I can look from my balcony. I can only see him in the virtual world around me. I have nothing left in my life. No enthusiasm and no excitement of earning and developing. Whatever I did, I did for my child. He left me just in 20 years of his life. I thought I will play with his kids too but for now I have nothing except the presence of my child in the tears rolling from my eyes and flowing down towards my lips.

Judaa Ho Ke Bhi , Tu Mujhme Kahiin Baaki Hain..
Palkho Me Bann Ke Aansu, Tu Chala Aata Hain...

             My boy - I'll miss you all my life and I hope that I'll meet you soon in Heaven. I'll never slap you again Beta. You will meet me naa? I am waiting for your reply. Love you a lot even today and I will keep loving you. See, I am watching your videos which your mumma recorded when both of us were riding the same horse. You look so beautiful when you smile. Plz keep smiling. Muaah... I love you My Son.

   Closing this letter and weeping madly in pain of losing my child , my life just because of little anger I showed to him. I am so Sorry to my child.

    Good Bye. I don't want to face the world.

          Friends, this blog post I wrote as an autobiography of a father whose son committed suicide just because his father slapped him for his good future. I want to tell you all that our fathers love us a lot but they never express much. We should not misunderstand them just because of their scoldings and their slaps. It is for our good future.

 Thanks. 

ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU