FRUSTRATION - SOME WORDS !!!

            255th BLOG -->>

        I felt like writing something which has touched me. Not in a pragmatic way but in a negative way. The words of someone which has pricked me and I can't bear that pain. I don't know why that is said to me again and again and why don't I retaliate to it on his or her face? Why do I keep bearing and why do I keep listening? I should have to build up the courage and say - Leave me if I am not the one. But I don't as I care for friendship and not arguments. I have lost many relationships in my life because of arguments and winning the debate. Its better to shut up my mouth with some cases here. But my ethics doesn't allow me to hear these kinds of words. I never let anybody say anything to me. But still I listen to you doesn't means that I am alone and I don't have the courage to speak out. But some words can change your life. Some words can change your relations. Some words can leave you into depression. Some words can make your eyes wet. So I keep quiet.

             I have always noted that my life has never changed in a course of time but it has changed only in the game of some hours. Some hours of some decisions have changed my life. So, after making my life tremble and dither so much , I don't want to sabotage any kind of emotions or feelings within me. I want myself to be happy. My life is on its best track right now and everything is going so smoothly that I have nothing to ask God for. I ask him just to keep everything as it is. And when somebody pokes in between, I feel like leaving all the friends and being alone as I used to in Nashik and mainly in Aurangabad. Only few sentences of a friend ruins the whole day. Even at 1 AM in the night, I remember each and every word he or she spoke to me and it is pinching me. If I'll tell you what has hurt me, you will just say a SORRY or a BIG SORRY, but it will not remove that part of sadness and frustration which your words gave me. You hurled them out without thinking what you have said. You have done so many activities which were unexpected but still you blame me for so many things. I have gone through many friends but this is the first time I am facing such a problem.

            I don't want to leave this friend. He or She has always supported me but I want to tell him or her that these are your certain words which makes me mad, kindly stop saying all this to me and please let my life be smooth. Don't give me the tensions and stress. Already, I have suffered many of them in last 2 to 3 years. Now I want to live happily with good and positive people around but some craps like you makes this happiness sublime somewhere. Please don't do this. I don't want a dilute life because some minerals is always necessary. But I don't want the harmful minerals to enter my life. So kindly take this into notice and walk with me to make my life happier and not a plethora of sadness and sorrow. God, please give him or her some brain and please associate him or her with some socialistic brain so that he or she can think about what they say and what does others feel after they puke such words.

           I have said in the initial sentences that I don't want to divulge some issues as it can lead to enmity and isolation but still the mood didn't changed while I was penning down this and I wrote whatever was in heart. This is the purpose of this blog to speak out what is in my heart. I hope God gives me this single happiness for which I am experimenting so much from so many days. Some sentences have ruined my life and I don't want these sentences to be delivered by him or her again. God, only you can stop him or her so please bless me.

             Thanks.

ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU