On 4th June, 2009 - Exactly one year ago. I got my result of HSC board. Lets give the history about me how I managed my 11th and 12th studies. I was sent for my 11th in Pune where I wasn't comfortable between 300 Muslims and thus I went into depression. My father brought me back from there surprisingly which added the velocity to my depression. I again applied and admitted myself in 11th std in 2007. I was in Nashik till this time. As I was still in depression I failed again in 11th and this made me very weak. Both by mentally and physically too. I am not describing my each and every disease and sickness I was suffering with as I am going to divulge them in any other blog. My father insisted me to repeat 11th again and this time not by Science but by Commerce as he felt it was easier than Science but he didn't knew that I just wanted to commit suicide then and not study. So for the child like this, Even the portion of 5th std would be tough at this age. I was stuck to my decision to take admission in 12th std externally and with the same stream - Science. I didn't wanted to leave this stream as everyone in my relative has passed their education in Science itself and I didn't wanted to be the first one to break this Parampara. Zoobi Doobi Paramparaaa..
I took the admission in 12th externally and I didn't had any college. My parents made me join Chate Coaching Classes so that I can manage with the portions of 11th and 12th both. But still I didn't wanted to study as I used to be in depression and I always kept thinking of death rather than living and doing something miraculous. The whole year passed by and Diwali came. The exam schedule of Prelims were up at the notice board of our classes. This was the time when my nerve got struck in the right way. I felt that I don't want to fail this year again as already I have bared a lot of insult in last two years for failing incessantly. I wanted my father and mother to be happy and not shameful of introducing me to their friends. It was very tough for me now to complete both the portions and understand the logic and theorems of Science subjects and Maths. But I started struggling. I started studying from night 11 o clock as there was no noise and unwanted high decibels around. And I used to study till 8 in the morning continuously with some SMS reading and sending. But now I was serious towards my study. At last I gave all my exams as best as I would have done. I still wasn't sure that I'll pass as I never gained more than 5 marks in any subject all my year in classes and more than 0 in Mathematics. So passing directly in boards was an impossible dream for me.
Finally I gave my exams and I moved to Mumbai on 15th April, 2009. On 31st May, I was watching television late night after the Grand Finale of DID 1. I was watching news channel where Salman the winner was giving interviews about his feelings on winning the competition. Suddenly , I saw in the flashing news below the screen that HSC boards result will be announced on 4th June. I just got a shock very hard because I expected that whenever the date will be announced it will be atleast after 1 week of the day when the date will be revealed. But it was so early which made me go mad and intolerable feelings started playing one by one all night. I updated my online status as I am planning to sleep permanent if I'll fail on 4th . My mausaji in Nerul read it and called my mummy and me to Nerul to live with them. I told my mother that I am not going to live at his residence till 4th as I don't want to sabotage the positive environment of their sweet home because of my worst result. But as obvious, everyone fooled me and on 4th I was at their house. From last 3 days, I was vomiting and struggling with my brain thinking of the ways to suicide if I'll fail.
TO BE CONTINUED.......
ABHILASH RUHELA VEERU at 11 AM
2 CoMMenTs !!! - U CaN aLSo CoMMenT !!!:
hmm...well,you should make a movie on all this.You ended this part on a note that everybody who has read this part will get back to your blog for more.I think you will definitely pass in ur exams.
PS:- I dont like good endings very much...
Thanks Vinayak for the beautiful comment. Actually I wanted to write the whole thing in a single blog post itself but as the blog was getting lenghthy..I stopped it in between....and making film on this is impossible but yaa..I am writing novel on all this..
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