Fear of College-Then and Now !!!

            184TH BLOG -->>

         Every time I go to a new college..There's a fear of being odd and weird..There is a fear of being different from others...Different in the manner to be inferior where everyone is sharing the response to be superior..It is always very hard for me to interact with the stylish people ...whom we now-a-days term as Dudes and Babes...I'm always afraid that I'll be judged even by a single word spoken by me to anyone of a student who is standing with his group..But then there is a confidence and a will to be social..and then there is a motivation which strives hard to get its place...A new organization..A new learning class..A new college..and a new faces around..Its very hard for the first week to go..Because you can't freely open your mouth to utter whatever your mind says because you aren't compatible with anyone and nor you are so close and amicable with them that you can speak anything..and they will respond you as per demands..No..There can be a war , a debate on what you said..You may be termed as a loser or you may be said as a person without any eradicates and intellect..You may be termed as Dumbo for the next three years of the college..A very hard situation..A very hard association is college for me with respect to my life....

              When my college begun..this was the biggest scope of stress and strain in my mind that Will I be able to place myself in the hearts and minds of the people..Not only of my class..but everyone in the college..When I was in school, everyone knew me...for my mischief..for my styles...for my activities..I never did anything appreciable in my school time..I came to college...and I didn't had even a single friend..and today when a senior girl helped me with the notes...It was so pleasurous for me to be recognized by a senior..The notes she provided me was personally made by her..And its really a big thing that the effort she has put on the notes for the studies and her future..She is giving it to me..A big responsibility on me to perform well in the future..Not for me but for her..She said to me that I choosed you for the notes because I didn't wanted my efforts to go in air..I wanted it to be re-used..And the girl has been the 1st ranker in all her 5 semesters..Now when such a personality trusts you...You are the victim of a good will...You are the trust-worthy..And you will have to maintain the position and image..A characteristic of a metal of an element doesn't changes..It remains the same..BUT The way I change my characteristic is eligible for the worst criticism..I think I should study for the next semesters..I will not try to be ranker like her but I'll try to be knowledge-able like her...

               The first week of the college..when no one knew me..and this last week of the 1st academic year..where a senior herself approached me for giving her notes..Life has changed..personality has changed..Importance has changed..People recognize me..People know me..People know about my passions, my dreams, my targets , my personal life... Isn't this much exposure enough for a shy-personified boy who entered college with dithering legs and shaking hands and head down in lack of confidence and faith on himself..And today the same boy is sharing space with everyone..with his classmates..his seniors..his teachers...and everyone...Again there is a sorrow for some broken relationships here in the college..Some people even hate me..Im sad for this..I never wanted anyone to be isolated from me..I was never engaged in forming groups..Nor I was a leader of any group..I just wanted everyone to be with me ...But then there are some goodies who left me ...I think my attitude was a problem or again any of my characteristics would have been changed because of which He or she wasn't getting their comfort zone with me..I'm stuck to my words and accordingly Im not going to beg the friendship with them..Dont want them to be mine if they hate me so much..I say people to break up with me..But with a valid reason..With an argument..Not like this that if someone asks me Why am I not with a guy or a girl now..I have no valid answer..Give me a reason and leave me..By the way..I should move now..and thanks to that senior-girl for helping me with the notes...

THANKS..

ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU at 2 AM...